Mel Robbins – The High 5 Habit
By Mary Maxey
October 24, 2019
In today’s episode, our guest is an author and speaker, Mel Robbins. She was the world’s most booked female speaker, with a fee of $100,000 per hour. She had numerous audiobooks being listened to every day. The 5 Second Rule was Audible’s nonfiction bestseller in 2017 and the most successful self-published audiobook of all time, with 2 million copies sold in 33 languages and 100,000+ five-star ratings. Today, she will share with us her journey on how she figured out how she can change her habits and be a more confident and fulfilled person. Stay tuned!
[3:02] Why should we listen to you?
I don’t think you should, and I believe that you should do what you authentically want to do. And if I have a vibe or energy about me that clicks, then you’ll want to listen and talk to me. And if I don’t, you shouldn’t listen or talk to me.
[4:04] Do you find you’ve ever had conversations where you feel like “I’m supposed to be important,” and then someone makes it clear you’re not to them?
I recently had this interview where it was a guy who I think had been in broadcast forever. He had invited me to come on his podcast. And he’s not on camera. He keeps his camera off. And I say, hey, I’ve done some research, but could you tell me about your audience and your ideal intention so that I can make sure that the way I show up in this interview aligns with what your audience likes? And he’s like, “Oh, it’s a generic audience.” He was dismissive. Then he asked me the first question, which was, “So, tell me about the high five habits.” It was a wide-open question. I was explaining whatever, I’ve just written a book about it. And so I’m telling the story, and all of a sudden he goes, “You know, could you stop talking? We need a back and forth. I don’t need you to give me a goddamn presentation.”
[8:41] “It’s hard to see the label when you’re the one inside the jar.”
What that made me think about is that one of the biggest challenges that I have as a mom is dealing with any issue where our kids feel anxious because it triggers my own anxiety and then I rush in to try to get rid of the anxiety and solve the situation which only makes the anxiety stick around and come back because I’m not teaching them how to problem solve through it. I’m rescuing them. And so that’s been a really difficult issue for me to try to work through. But that’s not the label of my job this year.
[11:00] It’s hard to see the label when you’re inside the jar. And you know you’re inside the jar because it’s frustrating to try to get the lid off no matter how hard you’re cranking. I think the label on the jar I’ve been trapped in is successful but miserable.
[16:24] Your fears are so much a part of who you are that every time you go to level up or ask, “Well, what’s next? Or what do I want to do?”, you will immediately level it back down based on that fear. That’s the only thing that will allow me to get out of that fucking jar.
I love the word harmony. Whenever anybody asks me about life balance, I say I don’t believe in that. I believe in work-life harmony. Things fit together when they’re in harmony. One of the most important things for creating harmony is boundaries. They will only fit together if they aren’t competing with one another. And that doesn’t mean the rigidity of this. It just means you don’t want to find yourself in a zone where it’s not kind of the black and white kind of weave together. Everything’s a gray blob because you’re always working and there’s got to be a little bit of separation.
[22:18] What do I want my life to look like?
I’m looking for areas where there is friction. I’ll give you an example. This morning, I was talking with somebody that works on my team. And we were talking about the newsletter that will go out this week to our newsletter list. And we have a huge newsletter list. And I have to be honest with you, I hate writing the newsletter. Because the process of writing it, creating it, all of it creates a ton of friction. For me, the process is broken. I’m not clear about what I’m doing. It’s just not joyful. And one of the things I know that I want in my life is to have more fun and be more joyful in the process of doing work. And there’s a lot of things that I do in my work, a life that is fun and has no friction.
[30:02] My medium happens to be making videos, writing books, talking to people, soon to be podcasting as well. When I finally permitted myself to realize that being a businesswoman, a dealmaker, and an artist are the two things that I love to do. And it means that I’m always going to be creating something. With every project or new thing that we take on, there’s always something that you’re going to learn.
[36:54] Life Lesson
If there are some lessons learned, it would be to reach out for help sooner. So reach out to people that are two steps ahead of you. Go to their seminars, don’t judge them, learn from them. They are your best resources. The other advice that I would give is to pay attention to what is causing you friction, or angst, or you don’t like it, and try to outsource that to somebody amazing. Spend money before you think you should. And offload the stuff that you don’t like to somebody who knows what the hell they’re doing.
[39:44] The high five habit
The high five habits are super simple. I’m on a mission to get everybody to add a high five to their reflection in the mirror every single morning after they brush their teeth. I want you to make it part of your life. It takes less than five seconds. And what’s cool about it is that it leverages all kinds of programming that are already in your brain and in your nervous system that you have aimed and used to support and cheer for other people. I’m going to teach you that by adding a high five in the mirror every morning in the bathroom as part of your morning routine, you will turn all of that amazing. Brain and energy power right back at yourself.
[42:12] Here’s what you can expect. Number one, you can expect to experience a boost in your mood, and that’s because your brain will give you a drip of dopamine. You can expect to feel a small jolt of energy, and that’s because your nervous system recognizes it as a celebratory gesture. And what we know based on research is that if you want to change your life, your habits, your relationship, your health, you want to make more money. Research shows that you will be more successful, more inspired, more motivated, and more fulfilled if you are kind and encouraging to yourself along the way, especially when things are hard.
[50:59] What promise did God make to the world when he created you?
I promise that you should listen to this lady in the glasses. Give her five seconds. It’ll change your life.
[6:59-7:38] “We spend too much of our lives pretending and managing other people’s expectations, and wasting time and energy on things that we actually aren’t interested in or care about. And I think it’s very important for everyone to wake up and realize, at some point, this thing called life is over. And it’s important that you not waste it. Pretending to do things, or spending time on things that don’t matter to you.”
[33:56-34:19] “For me, reading about something isn’t how I learn it. For better or for worse, I have to jump into the swimming pool and teach myself to swim. And that’s how I’ve gone about business. It makes for very painful mistakes. But it also makes for really accelerated learning.”
[34:26-34:33] “I feel the most alive when I’m learning something new, or when I’m sharing what I’ve learned with somebody.”
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